I don’t love my husband like I used to.


Well today I am starting from the very beginning. Senior year of high school at Abilene High. I walked in and sat down in math class and some red headed, football playing, loud guy, sat right in front of me. GREAT. *insert a million eye rolls* The next few weeks and months went by and this red head ALWAYS wanted to be my partner, he NEVER stopped talking to me, and he constantly talked about how if we ever got married he would take me hunting all the time. We would even go hunting on our honey moon. *NOT HAPPENING. EVER.* He asked me on dates at least several times a month. He wrote Allison Walker on my papers ALL the time. Blayze brought me green teas, flowers, chocolate, anything I mentioned I liked he got. I finally said yes to a date. March 8, 2012 (6 years ago!) he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. From that day on I saw him every day. We talked, laughed, and did all the things that normal couples did. We graduated high school and both of us still liked each other enough to stick in it.


After high school we went to work and college. We had been dating for about 7 months when Blayze asked me to marry him. Again I was standing there saying yes to that red headed boy who had sat in front of me in math class. I know what you’re thinking. Wow that is fast. Were you pregnant? Why so soon? No I was not pregnant. So soon? Because simply we knew at that time we were so in love and we did not want to be with anyone else. So like that the wedding planning began.


May 18, 2013. The day that we both committed to standing together forever. We committed to loving each other even on the bad days. That day we both changed forever. For the better. We now shared a last name and boy was I excited to change that puppy on EVERYTHING. I was so excited to have the whole world see that I was his, and he was mine. As the days went on we had fun most days. We made memories that I will cherish for the rest of my days. Blayze was my best friend and he taught me so many things. He taught me to love the out doors, see joy in crazy situations, and that I should always give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I struggle with that and I struggle with giving people second, third, and even fourth chances. (He is so forgiving and gives people chance after chance and I believe he gets that from his momma. They both forgive like its the first time.)

Fast forward to today and the reason I am writing this post. I do not love Blayze like I did all those years ago. Things have changed and we have had experiences that have molded us into the people we are today. I can honestly say that I love my husband in a way that I never would have thought possible. I am by no means saying our marriage is perfect. He annoys me and I know I can annoy him. However I am thankful that even on our worst days we go to bed and say I love you and we mean it. I know that when I am chasing my dreams he will be there to lift me up. I know that he will stand up and fight for me until he is blue in the face. I will always do the same for him. That is how it works(for us). I am so proud to say that we have no need to scream or yell at each other and that we can always just talk it out. I truly believe that we bring out the best in each other. I thank God for sitting that red headed boy in front of me in math class. That boy has turned into a man. The man who made me a wife, momma, and the best version of myself. Here is to 6 years with my best friend and soul mate.

“may the light of your special lives continue to fuel the flame of love which will fuel your future together, a future filled with the warmth and the love of the flame you feel and share” – Edsel Hughes




11 Month Update + Diagnosis


Weight: 23 pounds 13 ounces

Height: 31 inches

Sleep: Sleeping mostly through the night. Dax’s new normal is waking up to nurse at 4 am. Once he nurses he is right back to sleep until about 5:30-6.

Clothes: He is currently wearing 18 month clothes! His 12 month cloths really don’t fit any more and he is growing like a weed! He also wear size 6 shoes.

Baby Gear loves: PACI, sippy cups, zipadee zip.

I’m sure I have talked about this before but he just loves his zipadee zip! When we go to zip him up at night he just gets so excited. I love it.

Dax’s favorites: Playing outside, sitting in the boat, going on walks, doing ANYTHING pops is doing.

His favorite thing to do right now is to go on a tour of the man room wearing his cowboy hat and look at the animals and pictures with pops. This just melts my heart.

Dax’s dislikes: HOSPITAL STAYS, getting his blood drawn, being told no, long sleeved shirts.

Milestones: WALKING! We have a walker! (technically he’s been a walker since the day he was born.. not to brag or anything..) He can really walk, however he is still sometimes a big chicken. He took his first steps in attempt to share something with pops. He is also starting to feed himself without me having to tear up ALL his food. Dax is also starting to say new words and sounds! We had a “snow” day this month! It was so crazy! The roads were fine so we both went to school and then around 7:30 it got bad. Fast. We also had our first Valentines Day as a family! Dax loved his Valentines day pictures….


Words Dax says a lot:

Momma, more, milk,  buck.

11 months and this momma is just dying. I can not believe it has almost been 1 whole year of being this boys momma. Time needs to slow down. I can not wait to see the man you become one day, but I also want you to stay little forever. We love you sweet boy!


Now for the part that some of you are really here for.

About a week ago Dax’s doctor called. He had talked to the Hematologist- Oncologist at Cooks about Dax’s case. That doctor said they strongly believed that Dax has Cytomegalovirus. (He did test positive for this.) Dax just had a really weird presentation and case of this virus! 1 in 3 adults has this virus and doesn’t even know it. There is no treatment for this virus and it is a virus he will have for the rest of his life. However this does not mean that he is constantly contagious.

If you would like to read more about this virus just follow this link:


Now for my favorite part of the monthly updates:

Dax update

Here’s the story from the beginning:

Dax has been running fever off and on for a couple days and we chalked it up to Just teething. I took him to the doctor and he said everything looked good so he figured teething or a little virus. Over the next few days Dax continued to run fever and he started getting high fevers (102-103). Seeing him like this was way hard:

At this appointment we got tested for the flu. His test came back negative but his doctor said it look like flu so that is what we are going to treat it as. After that night Dax’s “flu like” symptoms went away. However his fever still lingered. His doctor had mentioned his fever could stick around for several days. One week later he STILL had fever! We decided we needed to take him back to the doctor. I made an appointment (Feb. 1 my birthday woohoo) and we waited in the waiting room for 2 hours. Let me just tell you taking your kiddo to the doctor alone should get you some sort of medal because keeping a 10 month old off the floor and entertained is HARD. We finally got to the room and saw the PA. She looked him over and said his ears are clear and he looks pretty good. Then she told me well today you get to see two people stick around and the doctor is going to come take a look. (In my head I’m like ok just make this quick I’m ready to be out of here!) the doctor comes in and looks at Dax and said all seemed normal. He said he wants to take some blood and do some tests because obviously something is causing this fever. He said these tests will be testing for bone infections (ok), tumors (what?), and leukemia (whaaaaat?!). That’s one big ugly word. To be honest I have no idea what he said after that. Leukemia. My baby. No. Just no. I got in the car and started home and just about lost it. (I know it’s probably unsafe driving and crying but don’t lecture me on that now.) I called Blayze and told him and we were both just shocked. Everyone kept telling us this is routine blood work and when it comes back tomorrow it would be normal and it was probably just a weird side effect from the flu.

Next day:

My mom had to take Dax to the lab to get his blood drawn. They told me they would be calling by noon with the results. Noon came and nothing. I was getting anxious. 1 hit and still nothing. 1:20 and the doctor called. “Dax’s blood work came back abnormal you need to bring him to my office as soon as possible and we are going to admit him to the pediatric wing at the hospital. Don’t drive 90 miles an hour to get here but I need you to get here fast.” Literally thought my heart had physically broken. Those 3 words spinning in my head. Leukemia. Tumors. Infection. We get Dax to the doctors office and are admitted to the hospital to run more tests. We stayed in the hospital from Friday through Sunday. Dax had a ton of blood work done, a bone scan, some swabs, and an ultra sound done in the hospital. His blood work had gotten worse since that morning(his sed rate and white blood cell count was very high and he was anemic), his ultra sound showed NO tumors, his bone scan showed NO infection in bones or joints, and the rest of the results we were having to just wait. Waiting is also HARD. By the time we left the hospital the on call doctor said he thinks we can pretty much rule out leukemia. However he still didn’t know what was causing this. Since Dax wasn’t having fever anymore we got sent home to wait some more on more blood work.

The whole time we’re at the hospital he didn’t run any fever (of course) and he acted so happy and normal. He played and loved getting to see his favorite people all day:

We got home and it felt so good to be home!

Sunday night the on call doctor called and said his blood work was still abnormal but it was getting a little better. We had follow up blood work in a few days. That blood work came back and again still abnormal but a little bit better. Another round of blood work and we got the same results. Abnormal but a little better. Dax’s doctor decided to talk with the doctor at cooks and they wanted an echocardiogram done and all his labs repeated stat. He got those tests ran and his echocardiogram came back normal (yay) and his blood work was still going down. They didn’t get enough blood this time for his sed rate (which has been the number that was sooooo high this whole time). We have blood work again on Friday and we are praying this is the last time our little trooper gets poked. We don’t have any answers yet but I am very confident our doctor is doing his best and everything he can to make sure our boy is ok!

*with all of that said yes it is confirmed he DID NOT have flu, and no this is not his allergies*

We are so thankful for our family/friends who came to the hospital or texted or prayed for us during this crazy time. Please keep the prayers coming!


10 Month Update


Weight: 23 pounds 1 ounces

Height: 30 inches

Sleep: Sleeping mostly through the night. We started cry it out and it worked amazing. Dax was sleeping like a champ until he got sick. Now we are starting over! However it is not as hard as it was before!

Clothes: He is currently wearing 18 month clothes! He can still wear some of his 12 month clothes and also fit into his 24 month clothes!

Baby Gear loves: BLOCKS, his Paci, all the toys.

Dax’s favorites: Playing with toys is still at the top. His other favorites are: giggling, climbing up the slide, petting the buck in the living room, talking, trying to walk, giving high fives, also giving LOTS of sugars.

Dax’s dislikes: **I feel like this is the first month I am not starting this section with ear infections!!**  Dax dislikes momma or daddy leaving the room, peanut butter, too much tickles.

Milestones: Dax is really about to walk. He has the balance but not the guts yet. He is climbing on everything. Literally everything. He has started to make new noises and sounds. He is also learning new things every day. It is so fun to watch him learn how to do things just from watching us.

10 months of watching you grow down & forever to go. This past month has gone so quick. I feel like I blinked and here I am writing another month’s post. Dax got sick at the tail end of this month (With what you ask? We do not know. Maybe flu. Maybe not). We did however make it through this month with NO EAR INFECTIONS! I have also set a date for his first birthday party. I really can’t believe right around the corner my baby boy will be 1. Dax also got a new cousin this month. As always we have spent a lot of time with cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles. I love watching our families love on Dax. Dax is starting to really play with others, including his cousins!

Here he is with his cousin Jett :

Dax momma and daddy love you more and more every day. Here’s to another amazing month spent getting to watch you learn, grow, giggle, and love others!

Here’s some videos from this last month:


9 Month Update

Weight: 21 pounds 11 ounces

Height: 29 inches

Sleep: we are for the most part sleeping through the night!

Clothes: He is currently wearing 12 month clothes and 18 month clothes still! However a lot of his 12 month clothes are getting tight and he can even now wear some 24 month clothes!

Baby Gear loves:

Santa brought Dax this lion for Christmas and he does not stop playing with it! His other favorite toys include keys, a wooden spoon, water bottles, allllllll the cars! Dax also does not like to wear hats… which is unfortunate because momma thinks hats are just so stinkin cute!!

Dax’s favorites: Playing with toys. He is so into playing with his toys now! It’s so sweet! Dax wants to walk so bad! He also loves when momma and daddy chase him! He thinks it’s the best game!

Dax’s dislikes: Ear infections and having to get tubes. He also is starting to not like peas. Dax also has started to realllllly dislike when momma or daddy leave him.

Milestones: Dax is really starting to walk! He is becoming so much more independent! He loves doing things on his own and doing them his own way. He would rather eat foods he can feed himself over momma or daddy feeding him baby foods. He LOVES to eat table foods just like everyone else at the table. He also officially has cut 2 teeth and I feel confident that there are more on their way!

Nine months with this little cowboy has been so fun. I’m writing this post a little late because we ended this last month with Dax’s first Christmas and also surgery!

One thing that I was not prepared for before I had Dax was just how much the holidays would change once you have a baby. Dax has made this holiday season so special and want more meaningful that I ever thought possible. I have loved every second of Dax’s first Christmas. We spent it with a lot of family and had a lot of fun. He learned the wonders of tissue paper and now he loves ripping any kind of paper he can get his little hands on! (Pictures will be at the bottom)

After Christmas Dax had to have surgery to get tubes put in both his ears. Good golly this was so hard on mommas heart. It has helped him so much and I know he has been feeling relief! However giving your baby to someone else and watching them walk away will just rip your heart in two. However his surgery was quick and I wish I could say it was all smiles when we got to see him again. Dax was very upset when he was done with surgery and it was absolutely miserable to all involved for about 30 min – 1 hour after surgery! Once he took a nap he was all smiles and ready to play!

This is right after he woke up from his nap! Sleep and a little food in his belly and he was set to go!!

Dax momma and daddy love you more and more every day. Here’s to another amazing month spent getting to watch you learn, grow, giggle, and love others!

As usual here’s the photo dump from the past month:

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8 Month Update


Weight: 20 pounds 10 ounces

Height: 28 1/2 inches

Sleep: we were back to sleeping through the night! Then we got sick again…

Clothes: He is currently wearing 12 month clothes and 18 month clothes still!
Baby Gear loves: Toys & card board boxes. He has all these toys and all he wants to play with are water bottles and cardboard boxes.

Dax’s favorites: Playing patty cake with his pops, being chased, playing peek a boo, mama and daddy. This sweet boy is really starting to show his personality and I just love it. He has gotten to where he lets you know if he really likes something or not!

Dax’s dislikes: Ear infections is still on this list. I’m so ready to be done with these stinkin infections.

Milestones: Dax is now pulling up on EVERYTHING! He loves crawling around and he’s pretty stinkin fast! He lets us know when he wants down and when he’s done eating. He has started belly laughing more and it’s just my absolute favorite!He is also eating finger foods at school, like pancakes, French toast sticks, and some soft veggies!

Eight months have gone by so fast! I honestly can not believe that our sweet boy is already 8 months old. He had his first Thanksgiving and it was so fun to have him there! Holidays with him seem extra sweet and I can not wait until Christmas! He did get to taste some of the yummy thanksgiving foods, but only the soft ones! Dax is showing his personality more and more and he seems definitely opinionated! He is so fast and crawls faster than we can run sometimes. He is just like a little sponge, soaking everything in, and learning so fast! Dax has been on a lot of medicine lately. Yes, he has yet ANOTHER double ear infection, but this time he also has a sinus infection added on. He is such a trooper and takes those meds like a champ. This time we have a follow up appointment in a couple weeks and at that point we might have to talk about tubes. They said he has been on so many antibiotics for so long that we can not keep doing that. ( Cue all the worries.) Even though he is sick he has still been pretty happy. I know I have said it before, but I will say it again. We are so blessed to have such a happy baby.I believe that he is finally starting to feel better. Now for my favorite part…. PICTURES




7 Month Update

Weight: 20 pounds 1 ounces
Height: 27 3/4 inches
Sleep: We were sleeping through the night! Until we got sick… Since we got sick we are waking up EVERY night SEVERAL times a night. This mama is so tired.

Clothes: He is currently wearing 12 month clothes and 18 month clothes.

Baby Gear loves: ALL the toys and ALL the packs. This boy has all of the sudden become attached to his Paci! We tried a new Paci from little giant kids and he is in love. He is also still really into his walkers!



here you can see that sweet face with his new paci!

Dax’s favorites:

Crawling Dax’s dislikes: Ear infections. stomach virus. Ok seriously this whole getting sick thing is for the birds. Mama, Dax, and Daddy are so over it. Dax also seems to dislike pumpkin patches and sitting in pumpkins. (However that makes for some REALLY cute picture! Therefore I have no regrets.)

Milestones: Dax spent the night away from Mama and Daddy for the first time. He stayed with his Mom while we got to have a hunting getaway. Dax has also started to feed himself puffs and yogurt bites. He also had a bite of scrambled eggs, and mashed potatoes! He is crawling as fast as lightning and getting into everything under the moon! TEETH. Dax is also starting to get some teeth in in the bottom!

This month has brought on a new set of challenges, a whole new meaning to mama is tired, and a lot of fun all at the same time. Fall is starting to feel real, and I am just beyond excited to start this holiday season with our new little man. We have already began the Halloween festivities and I must say that we have the cutest skunk in existence! Dax is so fun to watch grow but I just think that if he could stay little forever that would also be ok with me! Some days I wake up and think wow you grew over night. Maybe I should just stop putting him to bed. Lol. School is also still his thing. He loves playing with his friends. Yes, 7 month olds have friends. They get excited to see each other and some of his friends cry when I go pick Dax up for the day. He is such a happy baby and we are so lucky and blessed that we get to call him ours.

We love you baby boy. Cheers to 7 months with our little cowboy: